(image courtesy of Rat Hunter)
This is going to be a running series on my blog. The first one is going to be about rednecks.
I had this topic suggested to me by Matthias a few days ago. I had another topic already in my head but unfortunately forgot it and needed some quick inspiration (this one is already funnier than what I had in my head).
In the United States I spent about 13 years living in Georgia, one of the most traditional “redneck” or “Deep South” states, before moving to Austria. One thing that you can count on in Georgia is that you will come across a plethora of rednecks. Rednecks of all different shapes and sizes. I love rednecks, they’re always funny as hell. They aren’t funny people in the sense of Robin Williams is an amazing comedian, but rather funny because you can’t help but laugh at the things your average redneck will get into.
Rednecks are very country people. I say country not in the sense of being from the countryside (though they often are), but rather as an adjective describing a type of person. That being said, a lot of Austrians are very country. Actually, the vast majority of Austria is what I would call “countryside”. The difference, however, is in the small details. The untrained eye would see and think instantly that all Austrians are therefore some of the most inbred and/or uneducated individuals to walk the planet, but this assumption couldn’t be farther from the truth. Let me recount some stories of my dealings with rednecks in the United States and see if that makes my point clear (and hopefully brings a smile to your face).
One of the many rednecks that I knew when I was in high school had quite the affinity for trucks. In the United States, if you have a truck, regardless of whether or not you have four-wheel drive, you will at some point be pressured into taking it mudbogging. Mudbogging? You might ask yourself, “What in the blazes is mudbogging?” Quite simple. Mudbogging is taking your truck (rednecks will take anything, though, because for them nothing is funnier than watching someone get their vehicle stuck in the mud - a friend of mine got stuck and ended up destroying not only his truck but the truck that pulled him out) and either making a large field of dirt very wet or waiting for the rain to do it for you. After a big rain storm in the South, you will see soon thereafter lots of trucks driving around with mud covering the sides of the trucks/cars/whatever. In Austria, this doesn’t exist. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that any open land is likely farmland and thus it belongs to someone.
Another common redneck penchant is to wear camouflage. Lots of camouflage. It is not uncommon to find people dressed head to toe as if they are ready for war in the jungles of Vietnam or as if they are about to go on a hunting trip. What I am really trying to say is an utter lack of fashion. I mean, the guys at the Technical Uni have no real sense of dress either, but that’s common internationally with nerds. In Austria, your average country person still at least knows how to dress properly and owns AT LEAST one suit. Open the closet of a redneck and you’ll find all types of denim clothes, clothes with holes and frayed edges (in some designer shops these can be quite expensive!) and an abundancy of camouflage. Oh yes, and then there is the favorite symbol of rednecks all over: the old Confederate flag. They will buy anything that has this flag printed on it and I do mean anything. If you can dream it, there’s a Confederate flag printed on it. Austrians from the countryside really don’t have this. They are often not the most educated (but neither are American rednecks) when you look at the more farming-oriented places, but damnit they can still dress themselves!
In fact, let’s look at the education of your average redneck versus your average Austrian from the countryside. Your average American redneck MIGHT have a high school education, and if then, only just barely. More than likely he works at a menial job that requires absolutely zero brain activity and looks forward to coming home and having sex with his sister. Your average Austrian farmer may not have a Matura, but he has visited a trade school, completed the necessary education to run a farm or other agricultural business. A redneck would be lucky to have the required “training” to complete a day’s shift at a McDonalds.
Some of you might have been a bit disgusted by the “having sex with his sister” remark. I’m sorry to say (and a little bit embarrassed) that this is really common. If you look at places that are really far back in the countryside and have little contact with modern society, you will often find some very strange things. The jokes are all rooted in fact, like it or not. At this point I would also like to say that I do not dislike rednecks: like I said, I went to school with many and some of them are the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet. Their social behavior does need to be understood before it can be accepted, though. Many people would be put off by Billy Bob’s (this name exists, it’s not some kind of joke) tobacco chewing, Confederacy-loving behavior. Me? Just another of my fellow Americans.
Another descriptor that is often found when describing rednecks is “bigot” or “racist”. It is sad to say that this is true. I must also say that I find this to also be something that I could use to describe many Austrians. No one really talks about it in the open, but there is a little bit of cultural racism still to be found in the Austrian countryside whether people will admit it or not. Often in Austrian conversation I’ll find people referring to “the foreigners” and then I mention that I am also a foreigner and the typical response “but you’re one of the good ones”. The next line of questioning usually establishes that “good” foreigners are those with, how shall I say, a somewhat fairer complexion. Thankfully the Austrians don’t like to get dressed up in bed sheets and run around and have parades, though. The American rednecks are still doing this to this day. See what I mean?
Outside of bigotry, I would say that American rednecks and Austrian “rednecks” are pretty much two different groups of people. Rednecks like guns, are afraid of the aliens kidnapping them again and enjoy walking around with ridiculous clothing. Austrian farmers like hunting, farming, going to church and family gatherings. Who would I want to hang out with, though? Honestly? I’d pick the Austrians. The food’s better, the drink is better and the women have all their teeth.
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