@iwona_w
“Was macht denn Deine Mama da am Handy?” - “Wahrscheinlich schießt sie mit den Vögeln die Schweine ab.” - “Achso”. Gespräche 5jähriger. (“What is your mom doing with her cell phone?” - “Probably shooting pigs with birds.” - “Aha” Discussions between 5-year olds)
@cammyrobb
Ahahaha I love my girl! I said “A wild bus appears!” She said “Cameron uses board!”. If that’s not marriage material I don’t know what is.
@Modern_Redneck
Just passed a title loan business with a ‘now accepting new customers’ sign. Are they like doctors?
@peshkira
Do you want a new display? if yes: nail here ——>[X]
@bramcohen
“I’m doing a startup” is the new “I’m in a band”
@chuck_facts
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
@DorisChristinaS
Kollege bezeichnet mich als seine Korrektur-Fee, meine Kollegin als Rechtschreib-Mafia. Männer sind netter. (Male colleague calls me his Correction Fairy. Female colleague the Grammar Mafia. Men are nicer.)
@skoops
die grosse schlacht um cameltoe (The Great Battle of Cameltoe)
@skoops
es gibt menschen denen sollte man unverzüglich die lebensberechtigung entziehen #dumbamerican http://t.co/ONEEBI (There are people who should just lose the right to live.)
@BorowitzReport
I thought they were showing the Supermoon on CNN but it turned out to be John McCain’s head.
@mrgan
Smart Cover + Shake to Undo = lol: http://db.tt/q5VitY3
