AmericanAnDerTU

I know exactly what I’m going to be doing in my old age and I can’t wait: 

• I want to be a dirty old man. I always remembered the laughs that old guys would get when they hit on chicks in their 20s. When you’re old, you can say whatever you want and it’s hilarious. 
• Go to retail stores and ask stupid questions. Not simply stupid questions, though - I want to get the teenager talking to me to cock his head to the side and look at me like I’m a fucking Martian. Shit like, “Excuse me, but if I turn the TV off, how do I turn it back on?” You think I’m kidding? I’ve heard crap like this. You cannot be that stupid on accident, that has to be on purpose. I want to be that old guy. Gotta keep the tradition alive, amirite?
• Drive slow on the road. I know I’ll be driving well into my old age and I’m sure I’ll still be a good driver, too, so I want to be the old guy that just moves at a crawl. Then just when I’m about to get passed, step on the gas and keep going at a normal pace. The look of that mixture of anger and surprise is nothing short of priceless.