AmericanAnDerTU

Kürbiskernöl (don’t worry if you can’t pronounce it, it took me a while when I was first learning German) is a culinary delight from Styria (Steiermark in German), a province in the southeast corner of this backward country I call home. I’m not going to go on and tell you what it is other than an oil made from a specific variety of pumpkin native to the region. If you want to know any more about it, click the link and you can read the Wikipedia article. What I’m going to write here is a tribute to this gift from the gods.

If you’ve never tried it before, you absolutely must. A true Austrian restaurant should always ask you if you would like Kürbiskernöl on your salad and if they don’t, call the police and say that the restaurant is infested with rats and get that shithole shut down. Should you reply to the question of whether or not you want Kürbiskernöl with anything other than something in the affirmative, go ahead and throw yourself in front of oncoming traffic and let me have your salad for you. 

Oh, you must be exaggerating. No oil can possible be this good, especially one you simply on a salad. How wrong you are, silly mortal. The first time you try it, I will not guarantee you like it but after you get used to the taste if you do anything but fall in love, you surely have no soul. The oily thickness. The Kürbiskernöly taste. It defies words. I’m really not trying to sound like some fanboi out after the latest Apple iWhatever, it really cannot be described. Wikipedia will tell you it has a nutty taste, which is certainly true, but it cannot really be described. It’s like sex. Sure, you can figure out the mechanics of it, but you never know what it’s like until you’ve tried it. And just like sex after that first orgasm, once you’ve tried it, you’re hooked.

The best part about it, however, is that you can put it on anything and instantly make it light years ahead of whatever it was before you put Kürbiskernöl on it. Vanilla ice cream? Prepare to have your world rocked. A plate of fries? Fuck you, ketchup, take your shit back to Malaysia. I mean this: putting it on anything instantly makes it better. 

Like anything truly great, there are unfortunately some negative aspects (but so does sex, ever heard of VD?). If you get it on your clothes, it’s nigh impossible to get out. There is only one trick that always works: do not wash it, simply place the garment in direct sunlight for a number of hours. The oil will disappear leaving your garment as you had it. It’s also notoriously expensive. Buying it anywhere outside of Styria will cost you a bit of coin but if you know a Styrian (chances are you do or you know someone that does), get them to buy a bottle for you. Every Styrian has a hookup to get it on the cheap. It’s like weed in that respect. Everyone knows someone. If your Styrian contact says they don’t have a connection, beat the ever living hell out of them until they give in to your demands - they ALWAYS have a hook up. 

At my office, they have a few liters of Kürbiskernöl along with other dressings. Which container needs to be refilled the most? You bet your sweet ass - the Kürbiskernöl one. Best part is that it’s free and I get to drown my salads in the stuff with abandon. Today I had a particularly divine concoction in my salad bowl and as I was eating it, I realized I put A LOT of oil on my salad this time. It was something along the lines of “You want some salad with that Kürbiskernöl?” but you know what? It only made it better. Granted, I probably put too much but it was exquisite. I could have achieved the same taste with less (did I just admit there is such a thing as too much Kürbiskernöl?) but it’s just so g’damn good. 

The next time you’re at the store, make sure you get a quality bottle if you’re one of the unlucky few that don’t know their own Styrian. If you’re just visiting, bring a few bottles home. Who knows when you’ll get back to Austria again? Get yourself some of that epic godly nectar, you won’t regret it.